LISTEN-UP!

 

Hear -The-VOICE-

Make a choice.

 

Spring 2008

     On this spring morning as I stood in prayer I heard  -The-VOICE- say:

 

“Quit Smoking!”

 

My eyes shot bolt wide open as I spoke out loud in guilt and shame: “Yes I know!” From that first command until, finally, my obedience and then healing required just shy of two years. The twists and turns of this story can all be summed up with the statement: “Be obedient, don’t try to understand; just walk the path that the Ruach is illuminating, and it’s only illuminated a few steps ahead each time.”

 

      You have to understand that my first cigarette was when I was in the First Grade. That’s right somewhere around age seven. It just escalated from there all of my life. All my life, with my human will, I worked to quit. One day. A week. Maybe a month. No matter what I always went back to smoking. After the birth of my first child, it became imperative to quit. It took five years, but I did it! That ‘quit’ lasted four years until in a weak moment and just one cigarette, I was again addicted. Trying to quit was a useless and miserable undertaking. I quit, yes I quit trying to quit. Now the Ruach is commanding me to quit. How in the world am I going to obey this one?

 

     For the next month about once a week I heard the same command until finally it fell silent for two months. Then all of a sudden, after I was complacent again I heard -The-VOICE- say:

 

“You Are Destroying My Creation!”

 

With this command, I sat down in utter shock. The silence over the last two months lulled me into forgetting what I had heard. I was struck to my core. My thinking was to quit for my own good. Yes it was a command, but for MY good. Now we have moved on to a new level. This body that I am destroying does not belong to me? As a new Believer--a new concept. Yes YAH created MY body. I had to realign my thinking, and in time came to understand. YAH is the King. I am the servant. Not the reverse. Nonetheless, I still was UNABLE to quit. Finally I understood that that I belong to YAH but even so, I was humanly unable to quit no matter what my motivation!

 

     A year went by and in the spring of 2009 I had to drive 70 miles for a meeting on a beautiful day after Shabbat. After the meeting, as I walked through the door leaving I tripped and watched my glasses shatter on the concrete walk. With one good lens, I drove 70 miles to home. The trip to the eye doctor for a new prescription and new glasses was a jolt to my entire world. She said: “You have the beginnings of cataracts but more importantly you have macular degeneration. My Mother was blind all my life. Now I must prepare to be blind as macular degeneration is incurable. It can be slowed but not cured. I had to face it. I was going to be blind.

 

     The trip to my Messianic Synagogue each Shabbat was an hour on the turnpike. It was a great time at 7:50 am driving for an hour to prepare for Shabbat. The day did not end until anywhere from 4 pm to at one time 8:30 pm. The drive home was a great hour of reflection and prayer. The Shabbat after my macular degeneration diagnosis was spent in prayer and thought about being blind. All of my young life I was concerned with care for my beloved near-blind mother. That taught me; I did not want to be blind. I had great fear and prayed all day asking to have this lifted from me. On the drive home the prayers were with tears as I poured out my soul to YAH, begging not to be blind. How I drove in traffic, I have no idea! But as I was nearing home I heard -The-VOICE- say:

 

“Quit! I Will Heal You”

 

     From that point forward I committed myself to prayer and quitting. I was convinced that by my efforts it was impossible to quit. Through the summer and fall I worked at it, but mostly prayed about it, turning it over to YAH. Finally the decision was made that sometime in January 2010 I would quit. As I prayed about the date that was two weeks away I heard -The-VOICE- say:

 

“How Deeply Are You Going To Trust ME?”

 

On that day 10 January 2010 (01-10-10), by the grace of YAH and the power of The Ruach I quit. I had no withdrawal pain. No desire to smoke. No pain. I have never looked back. Since that day I have never even touched any tobacco of any sort. That was 2,418 days ago. The next month I went to my eye doctor who did a full exam. He finished the exam and started talking about cataract surgery. When he finished talking I said: “Dr. O-----, you said nothing about the macular degeneration. I don’t know what your faith is and I don’t know what you believe about hearing the Holy Spirit. I do know that the Holy Spirit told me that I would be healed and you said nothing about the macular degeneration.” The Doctor looked at his notes for a long time, said nothing and then dropping his pen, he walked over to me. He COMPLETELY redid the entire eye exam, bumping the person scheduled behind me. Finally he looked at me and said: “There is nothing wrong with your macular.”

 

     This event was not about smoking, my inability to quit, how addictive tobacco is or even the sheer fact of quitting. The purpose was to teach me to prayerfully LISTEN, to totally completely and ONLY trust YAH; walking blind following the commands of The Ruach for YAH’s purpose only.

 

“How Deeply Are You Going To Trust ME?”

 

Praise YAH!